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You do not have to be a regular churchgoer to get married in
the Church of England, neither must you have been baptised.
The Church welcomes the opportunity for you to make your solemn
promises to each other not just in front of your family and
friends but also in the sight of God and with God's blessing.
There are four ways of getting married in accordance with the
rites of the Church of England:
by publication of banns
by common licence by special licence issued by the Archbishop
of Canterbury
by the authority of a superintendent registrar's certificate
without licence
Your parish priest or vicar will guide you as to the most
suitable method according to your particular circumstances
although publication of banns is the traditional and preferred
method for most couples. Publication of the banns of marriage
means the public announcement by a minister or priest during
Divine service that two people wish to marry, and an invitation
to anybody who knows just cause or impediment to the union
to declare it. Banns are usually read out in the parish church
(or churches) on three consecutive Sundays during the three
months prior to the marriage.
Although a minister of the Church of England does have a legal
right under civil law to take a marriage service (regardless
of whether or not either of the couple is a divorcee) each
case will be taken on its merits after discussing the circumstances
that led to the separation and divorce. In many cases, parish
priests are obliged to conform to their bishop's policy of
not allowing divorcees (with their former partner is still
alive) to remarry in church. If your priest does not allow
your marriage to go ahead, there is no process of appeal.
For further information about the legal requirements for marriages
in the Church of England, please read our article Marriages
in England and Wales.
The Church of England considers marriage to be a life long
commitment, whereby couples carefully prepare for their new
life together. It is the custom and practice of the Church
of England to offer preparation for marriage for couples who
are soon to be married, as well as to be available for support
and counseling in the years that follow. Your minister will
probably ask that you both attend a meeting to discuss their
forthcoming marriage, and to come to an understanding about
the way a Christian marriage works. At this meeting you will
discuss the type of ceremony and the hymns, readings, poems and music you would like. Some churches offer a list of suitable
hymns and organ music from which a selection can be made,
other churches require the couple to discuss the choice of
music with the organist or choirmaster.
At this meeting you will discuss which of the three available
ceremonies you will have. These are:
The 1662 Solemnisation of Matrimony (from the Book of Common
Prayer)
The 1966 Solemnisation of Matrimony (Alternative Services,
Series 1)
The 2001 Marriage Service (Common Worship: Services and
Prayers for The Church of England)
At end of 2000, the Church of England introduced a new set of
services. Common Worship: Services and Prayers for the Church
of England has replaced The Alternative Service Book 1980, which
came to the end of its period of authorisation at the end of
December 2000. Common Worship sits alongside The Book of Common
Prayer, which is authorized permanently and is completely untouched
by the revision process The Book of Common Prayer, which contains
the 1662 marriage ceremony, is completely unaffected and couples
can still opt for this version if they wish.
The issue of whether the bride promises to obey is a thorny
one. Recently Sophie Rhys-Jones promised to obey her husband
Prince Edward, but David Beckham did not receive the same promise
from Posh Spice Victoria Adams. For more information about the
meaning of 'obey' in the Church of England's ceremony, please
read our article To Obey
or Not To Obey.
The traditional ceremony of the bride being 'given away' to
her new husband is now optional in the Common Worship Marriage
Service.
If you wish, this can be included Immediately before you exchange
vows, the minister may ask:
"Who brings this woman to be married to this man?"
The bride's father (or mother, or another member of her family
or a friend representing the family) gives the bride's right
hand to the minister who puts it in the bridegroom's right hand.
Alternatively, after the bride and bridegroom have made their
declarations, the minister may ask the parents of bride and
bridegroom in these or similar words:
"John and Sarah have declared their intention towards
each other. As their parents, will you now entrust your son
and daughter to one another as they come to be married?"
Both sets of parents respond:
"We will."
Your priest will also discuss other matters with you such as
whether you would like Communion to be included in the service,
your choir, bell-ringing and floral requirements, and of course,
finalise the date of the wedding with you. Your priest will
also explain the reading of the banns and what fees need to
be paid.
A rehearsal normally happens in the week running up to the wedding.
All of the bridal party, including the bride, groom, best man
and chief bridesmaid attend the rehearsal, possibly accompanied
by the parents of the couple. The minister will run through
the service, everyone will be shown where to stand before and
during your service, and the rough timings of the service will
be finalised. As well as being a practice run for the service,
the rehearsal also serves as a meeting time for all of the wedding
party, and a chance for members of the party who haven't met
to be introduced. Couples often take this opportunity to have
a meal or similar gathering together, and celebrate the beginning
of the wedding celebrations.
The ushers should be the first to arrive at the church, about
forty-five minutes before the ceremony. They should be informed
in advance of how to seat the guests as they arrive. The ushers
may also have the job of organising where the guests may park
their cars, making sure that everyone has an order of service,
prayer and hymn books. The front right-hand pew is reserved
for the groom and the best man. The groom's close family sit
in the second pew behind the groom. The front left-hand pew
is reserved for the bride's parents and her attendants. The
groom and best man are next to arrive at the church at least
30 minutes before the ceremony. Guests usually arrive at the
church fifteen to twenty minutes before the ceremony begins,
and are shown to their seats by the ushers. The organist starts
playing the prelude music.
The next to arrive at the church are the bridesmaids and the
mother of the bride. The bride's mother usually waits with the
bridesmaids at the church door until the arrival of the bride.
The bride's mother is the last to be shown to her seat by the
ushers, before the ceremony begins. Her entrance serves as a
cue to the groom that the bride has arrived, at which point
the organist begins to play the processional music and the congregation
stands. The bridesmaids take their places behind the bride in
pairs, usually with the youngest directly behind the bride.
The bride then takes her father's right arm and they process
down the aisle together, followed by the bridesmaids, towards
the groom who takes a step forward.
Alternatively, The bride may enter the church escorted by a
representative of the family, or the bride and groom may enter
church together.
Once the bride is next to the groom, the bride's father moves
to his left and the bride gives her flowers to her chief bridesmaid
or matron of honour. If the bride has no attendants, then her
father takes her flowers and either gives them to the bride's
mother or places them on the front pew.
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