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Hindu Ceremonies - Bengali

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Introduction
Bengali matches are decided by a process called adan pradan (give and take) where ancestries (bangsas) are matched. Close relatives are not allowed to marry and the bride and groom have to agree to the match before it can go further. Only at this point will events proceed and the two families sit down with a priest to compare the ancestries in terms of status and power. After this adan pradan, the date of the wedding is fixed but, according to Bengali customs, cannot take place in the Indian calendar months of Bhadra, Ashwin, Kartik, Poush and Chaitra.

Up to two days before the wedding ceremony itself, the heavily decorated engagement ceremony (aashirwad) takes place. The folk art of rangoli is used to paint auspicious symbols such as lotus flowers and fish in white stone, lime, rice flour and cheap paste outside the ceremony venue. A small banana plant is put outside the venue (usually a house) and a small copper jug (mangal ghot) is placed under it with the Sri (*) symbol painted on its side using an oil and sindoor paste. The entrance door is decorated with a string of mango leaves, which remain in place until the first anniversary of the marriage.

The priest brings an idol of Bhagwan Narayan with him and, in his presence, the elders bless each of you at your respective houses. Lamps are lit and you both touch the elders' feet. During this ceremony you are given a sari, a ring and other goods whilst your groom receives a ring, gold buttons and a watch.

At the Vridhi ceremony, performed by your paternal uncle, blessings are offered to your ancestors. A copper jug is placed on the specially painted rangoli. The items required for the blessing (fruits, sweets, five betel leaves, curd, milk, grass stalks, rice husk and cow dung) are placed in a large plate bearing the Sri symbol. You, your groom and the paternal uncles are put on a cleansing, liquid-only diet to prepare you for your wedding.

Your wedding day starts very early with the pre-sunrise, dodhi mangal, ceremony. Eight to 10 married women accompany you and your groom to a nearby pond where they invite the Goddess Ganga to the wedding and use a pitcher of the pond water to bathe you and your groom. After this, you are both offered fried fish and then rice which was boiled the previous night. Curd and chiruya follow and these will be the only foodstuffs you are allowed to eat until your wedding ceremony has finished.

The Ceremony
Two wooden planks (piris) are brought to your house either the day before the wedding or on the day itself. Decorated by a close friend or relative, these planks seat you and your groom during the wedding and, when their artistic designer brings them, their entry is announced by ululating and the blowing of conch shells. He is offered fish, curd, sweets and betel (paan) in gratitude for his painting.

Before and after the wedding, you two families exchange tattvas (gifts) and a special gift of haldi (turmeric) is sent to you prior to your wedding for the haldi ceremony. You also receive a number of other gifts as part of the gae halud tattva (groom's gifts) including at least six saris with matching blouses, petticoats and cosmetics with other gifts including big fish, a variety of sweets, curd, paan and rice. These tattvas are usually carried by servants, accompanied by a relative, from your groom's house and their arrival at your home is announced by the blowing of conch shells before they are given sweets and rewards (bakshish) to thank them.

In return, your family provides gifts for the groom (adhibas tattvai) including a sari for your new mother-in-law. Sweets, fish, paan, curd and rice is also given. These gifts are attractively arranged on a kasar thala (tray) and carried to the groom's house by servants who, in a similar manner to the groom's servants, are greeted at the groom's house by blowing conch shells and ululation before being rewarded and given sweets.

On the morning of your wedding, you dress in a new sari and perform the ritual wearing of the conch shells (sankha porana), which are dipped in orange-yellow turmeric water.

Later on in the wedding day, the image of Saint Kuber (kubi patta), which receives daily offerings during wedding ceremonies, is arranged in each of your houses and the altar has three metal glasses filled with dhaan (rice husks), fried pulses (khoi) and crushed rice.

You are both required to have ritual baths (snans) to purify you and prepare you for the wedding. For this ritual, in each house, eight or ten married women apply turmeric and oil to you and your groom's bodies. The new clothes, which you are wearing during this ritual, will have been sent to you by each other's families and are given to the barber (napit) afterwards. Depending on the time of the wedding, snan takes place in the evening or the late afternoon after which you and your groom prepare for the wedding ceremony.

Your Banarasi sari (wedding sari) is traditionally red and very ornate. You are also expected to wear a red veil, a crown (mukut) and decorative jewellery as well as sandalwood. The red veil is used to cover your hair, which is usually tied in a bun, and the mukut is pinned to this. Once you are fully dressed and made up, the sandalwood is artistically applied to your face to match the design of the mukut. When you are for the ceremonies, you sit with the gaach kouto and silver kaajal lata in your lap.

Your groom, wearing a simple dhoti (coat) and kurta (a long, dress-like shirt) comes to your house for the ceremony where he changes into another dhoti and kurta given by your family, before covering himself with the chaddar (shawl) and wearing the topor. His arrival is heralded by the blowing of conch shells and bell-ringing. The mistress of your house (usually your mother) takes the baran dala plate and lifts it to touch your groom's forehead, lowers it to the ground and up to the groom again before repeating the ritual, performing it three times in all. He is then offered sweets and sherbet and, as he walks into the house, water is poured on the doorstep.

Two banana trees are planted by the mendap (wedding tent) and a large rangoli is made using rice paste. Flowers decorate the venue and music (shehnai) is played throughout the proceedings.

The priest arrives with an idol of the Bhagwan Narayan and, in the presence of all of your relatives (apart from the two mothers), the ceremony begins.

Your maternal uncle gives you away but neither your mother nor your mother-in-law are allowed to watch, as this protects both of you from their evil eye (nazar). The marriage itself follows the lines of a typical wedding ceremony.

After the ceremony, you both return inside your house where games are played before dinner. Traditionally, friends and relatives stay with you to keep you both awake. Songs are sung, loud jokes made and poetry recited.

After the Wedding
The next morning, your new husband sits next to you on your marital bed to apply sindoor to your forehead to show your marital status. You both go to the mendap for bashi biye, the ceremony where the sun god is worshipped and games played.

As you leave for your new home, you are both expected to wear your wedding clothes. Your husband's chaddar (shawl) and your veil, which were tied together during the wedding ceremony to symbolise your bond, are the most important garments. Having been blessed by your elders, you are able to leave for your new home, your husband's house. Before you are allowed to alight at the house, women pour water under the vehicle and a flat plate containing lac dye mixed with milk is brought out by the mistress of the house - your mother-in-law or an elder woman. This plate is held under your feet by your brother-in-law's wife and you imprint your shoes in the mixture. Some families require the women to wash the bride's feet with milk and flour before you both have sherbet and sweets. The women lead you into the house by your arm where you are blessed by the elders and given ornaments and saris.

As you are sitting next to your husband on the piris (planks), he puts an iron bangle on your left arm. The women ring bells and blow conch shells. Until that evening, at the bou bhat ceremony (where a reception is held), any food you eat is served by your new neighbours on a new plate, as you are not allowed to eat at your in-laws until that evening.

After the bou bhat, your new room is decorated with flowers. The flowers, sweets and clothes for this ceremony are sent by your parents and, after this, the wedding ceremonies are over.

A few days after your wedding, you return to your parents' home where the thread that the priest tied on your wrist during the wedding ceremony, is cut and conch shells blown.

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