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Mainly based in India's commercial capital, Mumbai, in the west
of India, Parsis are relatively small in number. Traditionally,
either side can send the proposal although horoscopes and status
are an important factor in arranging a suitable marriage.
An informal engagement, where you and your groom can date, is known
as the rupia peravanu and is announced by the arrival of
either five or seven females from your groom's house at yours. They
carry a ses, (a silver plate or thali) loaded with
kumkum (cosmetics); a bowl with rose water, a conical-shaped pot
(paro) with sugar crystals (sakar) decorated with
a garland, a silver fish and a garland; all symbolising sweetness
and wealth.
Your mother meets the party at the door and garlands them before
they enter to signal the start of the ceremony. You are given a
red, brocaded bag containing silver coins and are blessed. Before
your groom's family returns home, sweet refreshments are served.
Your own family add more coins to those brought by the groom's family
and then you repeat the ceremony at your groom's home before returning
home.
The actual betrothal, (adravanu) is more formal and is performed
in your house. The pair of you, along with both mothers and five
to nine females from either side, are present and your future mother-in-law
performs a ceremony with a lamp. You are expected to sit on a decorated
stool (patlo) while you receive blessings and are given new
clothes (traditionally a sari) into which you then change. Your
future mother-in-law adorns your wrist with red bangles (symbolising
wealth and fertility) and you and your groom stand on the stool
together so that each of mother blesses the pair of you in turn.
You are both given a piece of sakar (sugar crystal) dipped
in curds (to symbolise sweetness) and exchange rings. Your relatives
also receive gifts and blessings.
Both savoury and sweet food are served (such as a fish dish or sweets
including sooterfani) before you leave for your groom's house
with his family. Your own family add some more money to the cash
that was given by the ladies on your groom's side before you leave
for your groom's home and the ceremony is repeated.
Three days before the wedding, each side performs a ceremony independently
of the other. Four to five of your married female relatives with
children, and a man, perform mandav saro (mango sapling).
Whole turmeric is crushed in a mortar and winnowing trays (suprus)
are tossed seven times by the chosen females. White cotton thread
is wound around each winnowing tray seven times and put to one side.
One of your mothers wind some white cotton thread around a coconut
seven times and this is stored in a cupboard until the wedding day.
Curds and a few grains of rice and wheat are poured into a hole
in the ground or a flowerpot. Silver or gold offerings (e.g. coins
or jewellery) are tied in a handkerchief, which is then attached
to a twig or branch of the mango sapling. A garland is added to
it and the sapling is blessed with coconut water before the aferghaniyu
(small vessel loaded with fire and incense sticks) is passed around
it and, finally, the man plants the mango sapling.
Either you take home the winnowing trays or else they are given
to the females who took part in the ceremony with the remaining
items kept for a later ceremony, the varova.
In the evening of the mandov saro, the aderni, similar
in nature to the adravanu, is performed. This time, the red
bangles which are put on your wrist remain in place until the wedding
ceremony and you are either given jewellery for the wedding at this
point or receive it after the wedding ceremony itself as a symbol
that your in-laws are welcoming you into their family as their daughter.
Before going to the groom's house to repeat the ceremony, gifts
are exchanged. At the end of the aderni, you are expected
to stay behind without your party for dinner and this is the last
time you see your groom until your wedding as you are not allowed
to see him for the four days leading up to your wedding.
Before the ceremony, you and your groom have a sacred bath (nahn)
and then put on your wedding clothes. Traditionally, your groom
wears a white coat (dugli) with white trousers and a pagri
(flat topped hat). He also holds the coconut from the mandav
saro ceremony. You wear a white sari and, like all the other
females, cover your head. You are given the coconut to hold along
with your bouquet. The groom arrives first and he moves to the dais
where he is garlanded (aarti) and the ses (silver
plate from the rupia peravenu) is placed on the table next
to his chair.
You arrive on the arm of your father with two married female close
relatives who hold the ses with a sari on it, and your mother
performs aarti. With your ses by your chair, you sit
next to your groom and, before the ceremony starts, your younger,
unmarried sister presents a silver chambooru (pot) containing
milk or water for your groom to dip his hand in and leave seven
gold coins within. A man stands at the back of the dais holding
a small aferghaniyu (pot) containing the sacred fire.
Sitting opposite each other, you are separated by a white cloth
with two male witnesses (one from each family) standing on either
side. The priest asks each of you if you consent to the marriage.
Once you consent, he joins your hands together and loops white dhaaga
(chord) around both of you to unite you within the bond of marriage.
He blesses you and asks the two male witnesses for their consent.
You are asked if you consent three times and, with the consent given,
prayers including ashirvad and tandorosti are recited,
the latter for health, and he sprinkles you with rice and rose petals
to ward off evil. Rings are exchanged before you sign the marriage
certificate. After the ceremony, your unmarried sister symbolically
'washes' your groom's feet by sprinkling a few drops of milk on
his new shoes. He leaves more coins in the milk.
For many, this traditional bhonu (feast) is the highlight
of any Parsi wedding. Served on banana leaves in a series of courses,
this is a chance to show your status with dishes like Sali ma
murgh and the popular dessert, kulfi.
Eight days after the wedding, varova takes place and the
garland and bouquets from the wedding ceremony, along with foodstuffs
and various items from the mandav saro are collected up and
laid in the sea or river near your home. You keep the pestle and
mortar and the jewellery used to decorate the mango sapling for
your own daughter's mandav saro. For the first time since
your wedding, you visit your parents' house and, in the evening,
your husband and his family are invited to dinner at your parents'.
When they leave, your parents give your new husband a large tambri
(water storage pot) filled with pedas (spice) and topped
by a coconut with a garland of flowers. Finally, you both return
home to start your new life.
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