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Traditionally, you will be 20 and your husband 24 when your family
starts to arrange a match for you. Your groom could be found through
a marriage broker, through friends and family or through matrimonial
columns and, once your perfect match has been decided, your would-be
groom visits you at your house. If you both like each other, the
kuchcha shagun ceremony is performed where the chosen bride
or groom is given misri (sugar candy) and coconut to signify
their being chosen and that the search for a spouse has now ceased.
Like other Indian engagement ceremonies, you exchange rings and
there is a small party for close friends and family.
Three or four days before the wedding, you and some of your female
relatives have your hands and feet, maybe even your back and arms,
decorated with mehendi after which you sing traditional folk
songs. This sometimes follows an optional ritual called Berana
where the Sindi God, Jhulelal, is worshipped. On the same day, you
and your groom wear old clothes, which are then ripped, wrapped
in a bag and thrown in the sea (or a river) after the ceremony.
Accompanied by seven married women, the day before the wedding,
you have to turn a flourmill containing wheat, haldi and sindoor
three times. After being anointed with oil, you are asked to break
the cover of a small earthen pot, which is put in front of you.
It is considered an auspicious sign if you manage to break the cover
in one go while wearing the shoes you've been wearing since that
morning.
The Sindhi wedding is lavish and full of traditions. Your groom
enjoys the thread ceremony to show that he is a Brahmin, which used
to be done when the boy reached adolescence. Without this, the wedding
is incomplete. Once this has been performed, oil and haldi is applied
to his hair and body at which point he is not allowed to leave the
house until the wedding. To ensure that he does not leave, your
brother sits next to him with a knife, a symbol that he is protecting
you and your interests. You are also expected to partake a haldi
and oil massage before your bath as this is supposed to cleanse
you and act as a purifier. Like your groom, you are housebound until
your wedding.
Sindhi marriages used to take place in the open air in the belief
that Gods would shower their blessings on the couple but, nowadays,
you will probably marry in a temple, gurudwara or marriage hall.
As you are not allowed to see each other's faces, a sheet is raised
between you when you sit down for the ceremony. When placing your
feet in the plate, try to make them as high as possible as the person
with the highest foot is believed to be the dominant one in the
partnership. Your mother washes both sets of feet with milk and
the pandit (priest) begins the chants. When the sheet is
removed, the pair of you walk three, four or seven steps around
the holy fire (agni).
As a married woman, you proclaim your new status by going to your
new home and opening the lock on the door. While you are there,
you sprinkle milk all through the house and put salt in the hands
of all of your new husband's relatives. By giving it back to you,
they signify that just as each portion mixes and becomes invisible,
so you mingle and integrate seamlessly with their family.
The ceremonies over, you are showered with gifts of gold, cash and
clothes.
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