This is taken from Your Wedding, published by the British
Humanist Association.
No two humanist wedding ceremonies are the same as yours is designed
for you alone and can be as traditional or unusual as you like. However,
the ceremony tends to follow a basic structure:
The entrance of the bride or bride and groom is usually to Music
For a Civil Ceremony music. The bride and groom can enter together,
separately, or the bride may even choose to be given away by a father
or family member.
After the celebrant has welcomed everyone, he or she speaks of the
importance of them witnessing this marriage and the couple's own thoughts
and feelings about themselves and their partnership. An example might
be:
"It gives me great pleasure to welcome you all on this happy
occasion to celebrate and witness the marriage of Linda and David
who now wish to make their vows for a life-long union in the presence
of their family and friends. They have written this ceremony themselves
to allow them to express to each other, and before us, what this occasion
means to them, and the commitments and aspirations they share for
the future".
The celebrant may give some general remarks about marriage and, if
appropriate, express a humanist view of what a marriage is. For example:
"Linda and David have chosen a humanist ceremony because they
feel it best expresses their feelings towards each other. Humanism
is a philosophy based on a concern for humanity and the natural world,
which shares many of the values of religious beliefs. Marriage is
a relationship based on love and respect that allows an individual
to grow in their respective ways. It is the maturing of love, freely
given and gladly returned and is both ordinary and extraordinary,
because it is about everyday living".
Maybe at this point you could include a poem, reading or an appropriate
song, for example:
(Sir Hugh Walpole, 1884-1941)
The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another
human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty
and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love
between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be
found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a
sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.
(Author unknown)
True love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its destiny.
True love speaks in tender tones
And hears with gentle ear,
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.
True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds,
And true love holds with gentle hands
The hearts that it entwines.
This is the important part of the ceremony, where the bride and groom
declare their love for each other in front of their guests and where
a registrar would include the statutory
words to legally marry you.
Whenever you have completed the legalities, it is now time to commit
to each other publicly. You may choose to use questions and answers
or independent statements and you could repeat them to each other
or say them at the same time. For example:
"Linda and David, do you promise to share your life with each
other, to trust and be honest and faithful to each other? Will you
live together in a spirit of tolerance, mutual support and concern
for each other's well-being, sharing your responsibilities and joys"?
(We do).
For more examples of vows, see our article on Writing
Your Own Vows.
Many couples like to include the traditional exchange of rings in
their ceremonies, although other tokens of commitment, such as a red
rose or the lighting of a candle, are perfectly acceptable. This act
is usually followed by an explanation that expresses what it means
to the bride and groom. For example:
"I give you this ring as a symbol of our marriage and my enduring
love".
or
"This ring symbolises my ideal of our relationship, which
is whole and without end".
or
" This candle is a token of our future life together and the
hopes and aspirations that we share".
After the couple have committed themselves to one another, the celebrant
will declare them man and wife.
The ceremony is concluded with closing words and good wishes.
"I ask you all here present at the marriage of Linda and David
to join with me in wishing them every success in their future together.
May they continue to love one another forever".
The newly weds exit, usually accompanied by music.
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