A Jewish wedding ceremony can take place almost anywhere, indoors
or outdoors. It does not have to be in a synagogue or temple as long
as it is conducted under a canopy called the Chuppah.
This is made of silk or velvet with embroidery and fringes and is
supported by four poles decorated with flowers and symbolises a single
domain into which the bridegroom invites his bride and represents
the matrimonial home that they will establish together. Alternatively,
family and friends can hold the Chuppah during the ceremony. A table
is placed under the Chuppah, with two glasses and a bottle of kiddush
wine placed on it, which you sip after the blessings during the ceremony.
No jewellery must be worn under the Chuppah as an indication that
you are marrying each other as people and not for monetary gain.
The nature of a Jewish wedding will depend upon the branch of Judaism
that you belong to. Individual rabbi and synagogues may also have
different interpretations of a wedding ceremony so check with your
synagogue first.
At Orthodox and Conservative Jewish marriage ceremonies, your family
and friends sit on the right side of the synagogue and your groom's
family and friends on the left for the service, which will last between
twenty and forty minutes. Your groom arrives first, with his father
and best man, and is escorted to stand under the Chuppah. (It is worth
noting that there is no concept of 'best man' in Judaism although
many grooms do have them.)
There is no hard and fast rule as to whom people walk in with but
the normal procession is as follows:
- The groom and best man make their way to the Chuppah before
anyone else.
- Grandparents are then escorted by each other or by another member
of the family, possibly a grandson.
- A member of the family, possibly a son, son-in-law or daughter's
boyfriend escorts bride and grooms' mother.
- The bride is escorted by her father.
To ensure that the proceedings are conducted in accordance with Jewish
law, the ceremony is presided over by a Rabbi, though it is your bridegroom
himself who performs the marriage by putting a ring onto the forefinger
of your right hand in the presence of two religiously qualified witnesses.
This is taken from a booklet published by the Jewish Marriage Council
and the United Synagogue. If there are any terms or sayings that you
do not understand, you will find a glossary
at the end of this article.
Prior to your arrival your groom will be formally requested by the
minister to give his approval to the appointment of the two witnesses
and the acceptance of the terms and conditions of the 'Ketubah' (marriage
contract). Before the congregation he will raise a pen, paper or hanky
to signify his acceptance of the terms and conditions of the Ketubah,
which he signs. This act is called making a 'Kinyan'.
Then, as a prelude to the marriage ceremony, the minister will read
one or more Psalms.
When you have entered the synagogue you are taken straight to the
Bedekken room. This is the first time that
your groom sees you on the day and, after confirming your identity,
he will lower your veil. The Rabbi will give you a blessing and the
service continues under the Chuppah, where you stand on your groom's
right hand side. Both sets of parents may also stand under the Chuppah,
while your other escorts surround you in the positions that have been
agreed previously with the rabbi.
The minister will now recite a brief blessing in Hebrew:
"Blessed be you who come in the name of the Lord: we bless
you out of the house of the Lord. Give thanks unto the Lord, for he
is good: for his loving kindness endures forever."
The Chant of Welcome follows:
"He who is mighty, blessed and great above all beings, may
he bless the bridegroom and the bride."
The betrothal and marriage blessings are now each introduced by the
benediction over wine to enhance the solemn joy of the occasion. You
each drink from the same cup after both sets of blessings as a reminder
that from this time on you share the same cup of life, whatever it
may bring.
First Cup: The Betrothal Blessings (recited by the officiating Rabbi)
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who
createst the fruit of the vine. Blessed art thou, O Lord our God,
King of the universe, who hast sanctified us by thy commandments,
and hast given us command concerning forbidden marriages; who hast
prohibited unto us those that are betrothed, but hast sanctioned unto
us such as are wedded to us by the rite of the canopy and the sacred
covenant of wedlock. Blessed are thou, O Lord, who sanctifiest thy
people Israel by the rite of the canopy and the sacred covenant of
wedlock."
Your bridegroom now takes the ring, places it on the forefinger of
your right hand and says:
"Behold, thou art consecrated unto me by this ring, according
to the Law of Moses and of Israel."
In Orthodox and Conservative ceremonies the ring is placed on the
bride's index finger, because it is the finger of intellect and points
at the words when reading the Torah, or holy book. The ring is traditionally
a plain gold band as this clearly represents its true value and purity.
It should have no stones or engravings and must be owned and paid
for by the groom. In modern weddings, the bride may place the ring
on her left hand after the ceremony.
The minister will now read aloud the Ketubah (marriage contract):
"On the third day of the week, the 25th day
of the month of August in the year five thousand, seven hundred
and………since the creation of the world, the era according
to which we are accustomed to reckon here in the city of London.
Now Adam, son of Jacob said to this maiden Rachel: 'Be thou my wife
according to the law of Moses and of Israel, and I will work for thee,
honour, support and maintain thee in accordance with the custom of
Jewish husbands who work for their wives, honour, support and maintain
them in truth. And I herewith make for thee the settlement of virgins,
two hundred silver zuzim, which belongs to thee,
according to the law of Moses and Israel; and I will also give thee
thy food, clothing and necessaries, and live with thee as husband
and wife according to universal custom'".
"And Rachel this maiden consented and became his wife. The wedding
outfit that she brought to him from her father's house, in silver,
gold, valuables, wearing apparel, house furniture, and bedclothes
all this Adam the said bridegroom accepted in the sum of one hundred
silver pieces and Adam the bridegroom consented to increase this amount
from his own property with the sum of one hundred silver pieces, making
in all two hundred silver pieces. And thus said Adam the bridegroom:
"The responsibility of this marriage contract, of this wedding
outfit, and of this additional sum, I take upon myself and my heirs
after me, so that they shall be paid from the best part of my property
and possession that I have beneath the whole heaven, that which I
now possess or may hereafter acquire. All my property, real and personal,
even the mantle on my shoulders, shall be mortgaged to secure the
payment of this marriage contract, of the wedding outfit, and of the
addition made thereto, during my lifetime and after my death, from
the present day and forever." Adam the bridegroom, has taken
upon himself the responsibility of this marriage contract, of the
wedding outfit and the addition made thereto, according to the restrictive
usages of all marriage contracts and the additions thereto made for
the daughters of Israel, in accordance with the institution of our
sages of blessed memory. It is not to be regarded as a mere form of
our promise with mental reservation, or as a mere form of a document.
We have followed the legal formality of symbolical delivery (kinyan)
between Adam the son of Jacob the bridegroom, and Rachel the daughter
of Rebecca this maiden, and we have used an article legally suitable
as an instrument whereby all herein is duly and properly confirmed."
The Ketubah is signed by two witnesses.
The Ketubah document is your personal property and is handed to
you after the wedding. Its absence or loss does not invalidate your
marriage, but it is considered that a couple should not live together
without it, so if it is lost it should be replaced immediately.
This is followed by the Seven Benedictions, known as the 'Sheva
Berachoth'. The rabbi says:
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who
createst the fruit of the vine."
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who
hast created all things to thy glory."
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, creator
of man."
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who
hast made man in thine image, after thy likeness, and hast prepared
for him, out of his very self, a helpmate forever. Blessed art thou,
O Lord, creator of man."
"May she who was barren (Zion), be exceedingly glad and exult,
when her children are gathered within her in joy. Blessed art thou,
O Lord, who makest Zion joyful through her children."
"O make these loved companions greatly to rejoice even as of
old thou didst gladden thy creature in the garden of Eden. Blessed
art thou, O Lord, who makest bridegroom and bride to rejoice."
"Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who
hast created joy and gladness, bridegroom and bride, mirth and exultation,
pleasure and delight, love and brotherhood, peace and fellowship.
Soon may there be heard in the cities of Judah, and in the streets
of Jerusalem, the voice of joy and gladness, the voice of the bridegroom
and the voice of the bride, the jubilant voice of bridegrooms from
their canopies, and of youths from their feasts of song. Blessed art
thou, O Lord, who makest the bridegroom to rejoice with the bride."
At this point in the ceremony your groom may crush a glass, wrapped
in a napkin, under his heel, which signifies that there are times
of sorrow and joy to be expected.
The minister will now pronounce the Benediction:
"The Lord bless you, and keep you; the Lord cause his face
to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord turn his face
toward you, and give you peace."
Yourself, your groom, the two witnesses and the secretary for marriages
who is the registering officer, sign the register. During this time
the choir, if there is one, may sing the following optional Psalm:
"Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him
in the firmament of his power. Praise him for his mighty acts: praise
him according to his abundant greatness. Praise him with the blast
of the horn: praise him with the harp and the lyre. Praise him with
the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and pipe.
Praise him with the clear-toned cymbals: praise him with the loud-speaking
cymbals. Let everything that hath breath praise the Lord: praise ye
the Lord."
Your marriage ceremony is concluded with you both retiring for a few
moments to a private meeting, usually in a room attached to the synagogue.
This signifies your newly acquired status and gives you the right
to live as husband and wife. It is an interesting point to this practise
that although your marriage does not have to be (and usually is not)
consummated in this room, its situation should be such that it could
be if you wished to do so. It is, however, usual for you to break
your fast in this room.
The congregation are meanwhile requested to remain in their places
until you and your attendants have left the synagogue.
After the ceremony it is customary to have a celebration and during
the Seudah (meal) there should be at least a minyan
present. After the meal and grace the Sheva Berachoth are repeated.
Customary celebrations include circle dancing where you may both be
lifted above the guests and, if either of you is the last child in
your family to marry, a special dance may be performed for your parents
in celebration for having all of their children successfully married.
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