Sophie Rhys-Jones did but Posh Spice didn't. The Church of Scotland and the Catholic Church don't even ask the question. We offer our view on including 'to obey' in your Church of England wedding vows

Sophie's decision to 'obey' her new husband opened up a can of worms that has elicited much debate, with the church offering a rather vague interpretation of its meaning, suggesting that it actually means to trust, and the feminists raising their arms in horror at a modern, independent woman submitting to the directorship of her husband. But what does it really mean to the brides of today?

The origins of the word obey can be traced back to the Latin dictionary and means "to listen deeply," while the Oxford dictionary defines it as to "do what one is told." But what does it really mean when included in the marriage vows? The origin of the wedding vows used in Anglican services can be traced back to the Middle Ages to the Book of Common Prayer, which was approved by Henry VIII. Henry's approval must raise some doubt about the integrity of the marriage vows as more than anyone in history he is infamous for flouting his vows. Thankfully, today a beheading is not the result of a wife's disobedience.

Biblical references to the implications of marriage vows are also ambiguous. Paul, in a letter to the church in Ephesus, directed that it was necessary for "wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22). But while this sounds very much like typical male domination he also instructed everyone, male and female to "submit to one another," which suggests a distinctly modern view of an equal partnership.

The problem is that today we equate obedience with power and domination. But in the Bible submission or obedience is more about outlooks than individual rights. It is a desire to be unselfish and not to demand our own way and does not infer that once married a woman becomes a second-class citizen who relinquishes all of her rights. Equally, it certainly does not give a husband the right to demand that whatever he says goes. Rather it suggests a desire to accept the other's wishes not out of subjection but willingly, because of love.

The Rt Rev Peter Nott, Bishop of Norwich, who officiated at the marriage of Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones, gives his own if somewhat vague interpretation: "It is a mistaken assumption that, when a bride says she will obey, it means that she is going to be subservient - it is to do with trust and listening, to recognise that in a family you have different functions. There are times when the husband will rightly obey the wife because she knows better and is in the lead in that area - the partnership is equal and, in a good marriage, always shifts."

The Church of England offers couples a choice where they can both promise to 'love and cherish' or alternatively, the groom promises to 'love, cherish and worship' while the bride 'loves, cherishes and obeys.' But when a bride and groom are considering their choice of words they should take in to account the meaning of all of the words they will be saying and it is worth noting that when the groom promises to 'worship' it not only means giving total respect and honour and going to any lengths for them but essentially that he will remain faithful, an equally hard promise to keep. However, the most important thing to be considered when deciding on the marriage vows is that you are comfortable with what you are saying and that it expresses your sentiments. Ultimately the choice is yours

Essentially, the question must be asked that in a relationship, which is considered to be an equal partnership why can't both individuals promise to 'obey', and 'worship'. Clearly a more acceptable alternative would be for the vows to be the same for men and women. Why shouldn't a wife promise her husband the same honour respect and faithfulness that he commits to her and, as the Rt Rev Peter Nott suggests, surely a husband should obey his wife on the occasions when she knows better, which as we know, is most of the time!

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