When you have the go-ahead from your registrar, you can start
getting creative. Your registrar will be able to supply you
with a standard ceremony script and it is a good idea to use
this as the basis for constructing your own ceremony. It will
help you to decide in which order you wish to say your vows
and where, if necessary, you would like the registrar to speak.
You will also need to decide where to include any readings or
poems you may want.
Tradition has a funny way of being evocative so include a version
of any lines that warm your hearts. However, you will probably
not be allowed to use exact extracts from religious services
since civil weddings must be strictly secular.
Alternatively you can make up your own vows or promises, either
independently or together. The subject of these vows can be
as individual as you are. As an example, you might want to include
a set of promises to:
Share the good and the bad parts of life together
Love, honour, respect and cherish each other
Respect the individuality of each other
Be kind, trusting, tolerant and understanding
Be honest and faithful
Stay together for life
Bring happiness and laughter into the marriage
Be a good friend
Seek a loving and stable relationship
Useful linking words that you might want to use include:
Promise
Vow
Pledge
Seek
Try
Endeavour
There may be elements of your relationship that are more important
than others and the most successful way to write personalised
vows is to think about the two of you and the things you would
like to promise each other.
For example, you may want to emphasise the underlying friendship
you have for each other or talk about the fun you can cram
into the next few decades. At the other end of the scale,
if you have come together after a period of separation following
an affair then trust and fidelity are important things to
promise to each other. Don't be afraid to have some fun because
you might want to make promises about more light-hearted elements,
such as sharing the washing up or keeping a room tidy, although
these are usually more appropriate for a Humanist ceremony
rather than a civil wedding. It is also a good idea to look
through our love
poems and readings section for inspiration.
Why
not treat yourself to Confetti's Wedding
Readings and Vows pocket size book. With
a hige selcetion of poetry and prose, you're bound to find
the inspiration you need!
Whatever ceremony you choose, you can either write your vows
individually and read them to each other as a surprise at
the wedding or take time to write them together. Either way,
be sure to read your vows out loud a few times first because
the written word often comes across very differently to the
spoken word. The best way to stop you from breaking down with
emotion on the day is to practice in front of the mirror.
You may feel a bit silly but it definitely helps!
Finally, make sure someone in the wedding party has a spare
copy of your vows and order of service. It isn't completely
unknown for the registrar to turn up without his or her copy
on the day and, as we were taught in the Brownies, always
"Be Prepared"!
In England and Wales there are two alternatives to the statutory
declaratory and contracting words given above. These can be
found in our article covering the legal requirements for
getting married in England and Wales.
If you still have any unanswered questions about writing your
own vows,
please post your question on our Wedding Forum.
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