This most important attendant has a vital role in your
preparations and plays a supporting role throughout your
wedding day
If she's single, she is your chief bridesmaid, if she's
married she is your matron of honour and more recently
she is often called the best woman, but whatever her title,
she is as important to you as the best man is to your
groom. Usually she will either be your best friend, sister
or other very close female relative, maybe even a daughter
if you have grown up children.
You should involve your chief bridesmaid in discussions
and decisions in the planning stages and use her as a
sounding board for your ideas right from the start. |
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Her main duty is to be your personal assistant. She should be
someone you can rely on to chase quotes if required and calm
you down when stress gets the better of you.
A most important task for your chief bridesmaid is to be an
honest and reliable critic when it comes to choosing your dress.
She should be constructive about the styles and colours that
suit you best but make sure you give her some idea what you
are looking for.
Along with helping you select your dress, your chief bridesmaid
should be involved in choosing outfits for herself and your
other attendants. Give her a clear idea of the colours and styles
that you have in mind and the ages of your attendants. She should
also help with getting your other attendants to fittings on
time.
Another task that may crop up is to act as an intermediary if
differences of opinion occur, maybe between you and your parents
or parents-in-law. Hopefully this will not be necessary but
they do happen from time to time. One of her more fun duties
is to arrange your
hen night celebrations. This can range from an evening in
a restaurant to an action packed weekend away. Although these
celebrations are supposed to be a surprise for you, you should
make it clear if there are any no go areas, such as muscle bound
stripagrams, although this could be quite fun! Also, you should
give her a list of who you want to invite as it is unlikely
that she will know all of your friends. Finally, it is important
that your chief bridesmaid attends your wedding rehearsal so
that she knows where she and your other attendants should stand,
when they should sit down and the exact order of the ceremony.
Your chief bridesmaid's role on the day is of utmost importance
to you and your other attendants. She must be the calming influence
for your nerves throughout the entire day. Be the one to ensure
that everyone is where they should be when they should be, that
the right clothes and accessories are ready for the right person
and be prepared to deal with any emergencies that might arise.
Her other duties on the day include:
Arriving at your house in plenty of time to attend the hairdressers and make-up artist, being on hand to help dress younger attendants
and keep them looking perfect before the transport arrives and
ensuring that she has emergency supplies for you throughout
the day, e.g. lipstick, tissues and hairgrips etc.
Your mum, attendants and chief bridesmaid will probably travel
to the ceremony venue together, and your chief bridesmaid's
calming influence will probably be tested to the fore, as they
will all be excited and perhaps a little emotional about the
coming events.
Once your attendants arrive at the venue the photographer may
want to take some pictures before your arrival so your chief
bridesmaid will have to organise the other attendants, particularly
any very young ones. Upon your arrival she should ensure that
everyone is in the right position behind you for your entrance
and make any necessary adjustments to your veil and dress.
Once you have joined your groom your chief bridesmaid will take
your bouquet and gloves, if you are wearing them, and look after
them for the duration of the service. When the time comes to
sign the register your chief bridesmaid will go with you into
the vestry or side room, accompanied by the best man, to witness
the signing. She and the best man, followed by your other attendants,
will then take their positions behind you and your new husband
for the recessional.
Once you are all outside, your chief bridesmaid will be called
upon to help organise you and your other attendants for the
photographs. It is also quite usual for her to have photographs
taken with the best man.
Finally, she will have to gather together any runaway attendants
and make sure that they are all in the car to take them to the
reception.
Once at the reception your chief bridesmaid may be a part of
the receiving line. The purpose of this line is to allow the
guests to meet the bridal party, and to ensure that the bride
and groom at least say a few words to each of their guests.
She may have the responsibility for displaying your bouquet somewhere safe, and preferably cool ensuring that it is not
damaged during the rest of the day. This is especially important
if you are planning to have your flowers preserved. She should
also circulate amongst your guests during the reception, ensuring
that they are enjoying themselves. In this way she acts as your
back-up as you will only have limited time to spend with each
of your guests.
Although the speeches
are generally a male prerogative it is becoming more usual for
either you or your chief bridesmaid, or even both of you to
make a speech. If your chief bridesmaid is to make a speech
then she should plan early and have a clear idea of the sentiments
she wishes to express
There is a growing trend for bridesmaids to make speeches
but this is neither traditional nor compulsory and will not
happen at all weddings. However, with the bride now making speeches,
it is a nice touch for her Chief Bridesmaid (or one of the bridesmaids
- possibly her best friend or sister) to add a short speech
to the others. Keep it simple and use it to show an aspect of
your friend that you most admire e.g. she's a good friend or
has done really well in her career. Remember that her family
and work colleagues may be at the wedding so avoid any scandalous
revelations or mentions of how much she hates her job!
Treat your Chief Bridesmaid to our NEW Speeches
book, crammed with sample speeches and advice, it also features
a selection of useful tips on preparing and delivering a memorable
wedding speech.
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Avoid referring to anything that the groom does not know
about and that could cause unnecessary embarrassment.
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Don't refer to the past relationships of either the bride
or groom. The reference may be funny in private conversation,
but it would be unwise to use it as material for a speech
aimed at a family audience.
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Consider using an anecdote about something that has happened
during the day, or a comment that one of the party made
to you earlier. These do not necessarily have to be true.
If you say "someone said to me earlier that…" no one will
know who the "someone" was and whether it was actually said.
This also means that you do not pin a comment, whether positive
or slightly negative, on any one guest. This works particularly
well if you comment on something said to you by the bride.
A suggested content of a chief bridesmaid's speech is given
below, which is traditionally light hearted and hopefully, witty
and amusing, It is unlikely to be relevant to your situation
but will serve as a starting point.
You may think that you have heard all that needs to be
said, but I haven't even started yet. Don't despair though,
I am not the stereotypical woman, who you men think can talk
forever on any subject, although weddings has become a speciality
of mine over the last twelve months.
I would just like to take this opportunity to say a heartfelt
thank you to Abbey for giving me the honour of being her chief
bridesmaid. I felt so very proud when she asked me and confess
to shedding the odd tear or two. The only time I have ever
felt prouder in my life is today, as I have watched my little
brat of a sister make a miraculous transition into this beautiful,
radiant woman. And there were times when we all thought that
this would never happen as we could not believe that anyone
would ever take her on - what with her history! Of course
I mean her history of accidents. Abbey is the only person
I know who, on the most important day of her life, managed
to spill hot tea on her foot, trip up the stairs, slip in
the bathroom, fall over her slippers and then put the heel
of her shoe through the hem of her petticoat. And all that
in one morning. Thankfully these were all minor mishaps and
she has got through the day in one piece. Sadly the same cannot
be said for the cat, who she managed step on as she made her
grand appearance down the stairs and who is now nursing a
somewhat misshapen tail. My only words of advice to you Matt
is to make sure that you are both well insured, you may need
it.
We have all heard the lovely compliments paid to the bridesmaids
and I thank Robert (the best man) on their behalf. I would
like to return the compliment and say how handsome the groomsmen
all look in their morning suits. However, I am amazed that
Tony (the chief usher) is wearing a matching outfit as I did
have to explain to him that it was a morning suit not a mourning
suit and we were going to celebrate Matt and Abbey's wedding,
not bury them. Nevertheless it is wonderful to see that he
has gone to so much effort to look good, a new haircut, close
shave, nose and ears hair free - it didn't work though, did
it! Sorry Tony, just joking, I think you look absolutely gorgeous.
Anyway, as one in the know, having experienced the joys of
marriage for the last two years, I would like to give Matt
and Abbey some genuine advice and perhaps words of comfort
for the years to come: "Marriage is a great university. It
teaches you patience, consideration, understanding…and all
sorts of nonsense you wouldn't have needed if you had stayed
single!" So let us raise our glasses once again, and I am
sure mum will have no objections to that, and wish Matt and
Abbey everything that they could possibly desire for their
future together.
The first dance is exclusively your privilege, but it is traditional
for your chief bridesmaid to take the floor with the best man
to join you in the second dance. Finally, when you change into
your going away outfit your chief bridesmaid should be on hand
to take care of your dress and ensure that it is returned to
your home or, if necessary, to the hire shop. The other attendants'
dresses may need to be returned as well, so she may well be
asked to take responsibility for this too.
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