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The
ancient tradition of buying the bride and groom gifts
is thought to originate from the days when a 'dowry' was
paid by the bride's father to his future son-in-law and
family. If the bride's father was not wealthy enough to
provide an adequate dowry friends and family would help
out by contributing either money or gifts. When the custom
of paying a dowry died out, the practice of buying gifts
continued as a way of helping the couple to set up home.
In keeping with this
tradition and as a mark of affection, many of your family
and friends will want to buy you a gift - whether or not
they will be attending your wedding. Although they are
under no obligation, you will find that those attending
your ceremony will almost certainly buy you a gift, whereas
those invited to your reception or evening party only
may not. Whoever buys you a gift, it is very important
that you respect the basis on which gifts are sent to
you and that you do not consider it a right to only receive
gifts that you desire.
The
difficulty most couples face when considering the issue
of wedding gifts is balancing the desire of your guests,
who want their carefully chosen gift to be received with
appreciation, with your desire to receive gifts that you
need or would find useful in your home. It is in no one's
interest to buy or receive gifts that are duplicated or
not needed.
The answer to this
problem is to have a wedding list. Those wishing to buy
you a gift can then choose something they know is needed
and will be appreciated. It is important to remember that
there is nothing wrong or presumptuous with having a wedding
list. It is only considered bad taste if you try to force
your wedding list onto your guests.
Guests who wish to
ensure that their gift is needed and not duplicated, usually
call the hosts of the wedding to ask for suggestions.
It would therefore be sensible to have a list of desired
items to hand from which guests can choose according to
their means and generosity.
Your wedding list
can take one of two forms. The first is where you make
up your own list and distribute it to those who ask to
see it. When they have chosen a gift it is returned with
that item crossed off. Since your invitations will have
been posted 8 to 12 weeks before your wedding day there
will be plenty of time for your list to do the rounds.
So that the correct items are chosen you should include
the manufacturer's name, model and colour. It is traditional
that the host (usually the bride's mother) handles and
circulates the wedding list.
The second form
your wedding list can take, which is preferred by many
couples today, is where a particular shop or department
store holds your wedding list. Most major stores such
as Marks
& Spencer, Debenhams and House of Fraser provide
a wedding list service where you make up your list from
their stock. Furthermore, as part of the service, a store
will manage your wedding list so when your guests telephone
or visit the store, the item chosen is removed from your
list. After your wedding the store will send you a list
of who has purchased what so you know who to send your
thank-you letters to.
Online
gift lists offer further advantages. The greatest benefit
is that they will have a catalogue from which you can
compile your wedding list - all from the comfort of your
own home thus saving many hours of browsing around a store.
Once you have made your selection you can usually either
create a list online, or mail your choices to them and
they will set it up for you.
Using the wedding
gift services of single product companies such as Wedgwood,
Royal Doulton and Edinburgh Glass is becoming increasingly
popular, especially with couples who have been living
together for some time and already have most items needed
for their home. By choosing a company such as this you
have the opportunity to acquire something of quality that
will last for a considerable number of years and can be
added to long after your wedding to make your collection
complete.
Whatever
type of wedding list you decide upon it is important that
you include a wide range of items to cater for all budgets.
You may also wish to put some more expensive items on
your list so that some of your family and friends can
pool their resources to buy you something really special.
Your list should also have more gifts on it than you expect
to receive so that the last person to see the list still
has a wide range of items to choose from.
If
your guests wish to buy you a gift, they will make contact
with the hosts or yourselves and ask for your wedding
list or for a specific item they can buy you. It is an
extremely well known and established nuptial nicety that
those attending your wedding will make a contribution
to your future marital comfort - your guests will not
need to be reminded of this! Appearing to ask for a gift
will cause offence to some if not many of your guests,
particularly older relatives and friends.
If
you and your partner have been living together for some
time and have acquired everything you need for your home,
why not make up an imaginative wedding list comprising
of life's luxuries, ranging from the finest bone china
to exclusive bed linen; items that you have always desired
but have never been able to treat yourself to.
Asking
for money or vouchers is now considered more acceptable,
and you may want to do this if you plan to donate the
money your guests would have spent on a gift to a charity.
You should have your wedding list ready by the time your
wedding invitations are sent out. Therefore, when your
guests contact you (or the hosts) requesting your list,
it is available for posting out. You should allow at least
one month to compile your wedding list, to allow for several
visits to one or more stores.
If
you have your wedding list with a shop or store, you should
establish from them exactly what happens when someone
buys you a gift. If the store allows online or telephone
orders to be placed, they will usually have a delivery
service. But check to see if your gifts are held and delivered
to you after your wedding as they are ordered. If the
latter applies, you need to have them delivered to an
address where someone is in during the day.
If the store does
not provide a delivery service your guests will take the
gift away with them after making a purchase. Consequently,
the gift will either be delivered to you before your wedding
day or brought to your wedding. Furthermore, since it
is inevitable that some gifts will be brought to your
wedding, you should arrange for a suitable and secure
storage area at your reception venue. It is traditional
for the chief bridesmaid to ensure that cards are not
separated from gifts so a roll of sticky tape should be
on hand.
Please
click
here to read our separate article about how and when
to write thank you letters. The article also includes
several example thank you letters to help get you started.
You
will probably be surprised by the total value of all the
wedding gifts you may receive. It would be sensible therefore
to check your home contents insurance policy to ensure
that you have sufficient cover in the event that they
are damaged or stolen. However, you may find that although
your gifts are covered if they are kept in your own home,
they may not be covered if they are damaged or stolen
while they are somewhere else, such as your reception
venue or another family member's home. It would be wise
therefore to consider taking out a wedding
insurance policy to protect your gifts where your
household contents policy does not provide adequate cover.
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