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For
many, this is the area of planning and attending a wedding
that is most dreaded. Few people are used to speaking
in public and find the thought of attempting such a
task very daunting. However, the basics of preparing
and delivering a good speech are quite simple. With
the help of this article, a friendly mentor, a little
imagination and a sense of humour, the task will not
be as worrying as first imagined.
Check
out our NEW books, available from the Wedding
Store. Specially written by us for you.
- The
wedding book of calm A practical suggestion
on each page to help you deal with nerves
- Speeches,
features a selection of useful tips on preparing
and delivering a memorable wedding speech. With
sample speeches and advice for the bride, bride's
father, groom and best man
- Men
at Weddings is a compact but thorough guide
to the roles of the groom, best man, father of the
bride and ushers. From pre-wedding preparation to
big day duties, you'll find tips to make your life
easy and the day go smoothly
The
speeches form an integral part of the wedding reception
and traditionally follow the meal but are before the
cutting of the cake. The traditional speakers at a formal
wedding reception, in their correct order, are:
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The
Bride's father (or a close family friend). |
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The
Bridegroom |
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The
Best Man |
In
these days of varying circumstances, it is possible, or
even likely, that people other than those listed above
may want or be asked to make a speech. The most usual
of these is the bride herself. There is absolutely no
reason why the bride should not speak at her wedding.
The matter of introducing speakers is also a matter for
the bride and groom to discuss. They may choose to employ
a professional toastmaster
(or master of ceremonies) to conduct the entire reception,
introducing guests formally as they enter the reception
as well as introducing the speeches. Alternatively, the
best man may be called upon to introduce the speeches.
There are no rules that say that those who traditionally
make the speeches must actually do so. Don't let the thought
of making a speech ruin your enjoyment of the wedding
preparations and the day itself. If you wish, you could
ask another family member or close friend of the family
to speak, especially if you are the father of the bride.
Be as flexible as necessary with the speech makers, rather
than causing distress. However, if you follow the easy
steps below, you will find that making a speech is not
as daunting as it first appears.
The
very first thing to do when beginning to consider your
speech is not to panic. Public speaking comes easily to
some but is an excruciating experience for others. While
you may not feel like a natural orator, a little forward
planning, practice and feeling for the people in involved
should mean that you come up with a speech that is at
least passable, and probably more.
The speech you will make is a part of the tradition of
weddings, but not the only part, so don't let it overwhelm
you. Remember that when you are making your speech, you
will be in the company of friendly people, many of whom
will be known to you, especially if you are the father
of the bride or the groom. The guests will be looking
forward to hearing you speak, no matter what you say and
how nervously you say it. Use the opportunity to express
your feelings on this special occasion, however simple,
to your gathered friends and relatives.
The best way to start planning your speech is by making
sure you know the environment in which you will be making
it. Find out the location of the reception. It is likely
that will you need to speak louder than you normally would,
so bear this in mind as you practise your speech. The
venue may provide a microphone to help you if the hall
is very large. You will also need to know how formal the
event is likely to be. Are you expected to make and reply
to a toast, or just to say a few words? Is the reception
going to have a theme that you could refer to or even
incorporate into your speech? Will there be gifts presented
to members of the party, and are you expected to thank
the giver on behalf of the receiver?
The style of speeches differs with the tastes of the people
involved, so it is better to have to have this information
to start with rather than finding out important details
at a later date. Find out a little about the guests to
the wedding. Are there maiden aunts or awkward uncles
who would be offended by the content of a speech? Are
there any family feuds or arguments on a particular subject
that would be better avoided? Also make sure you know
the approximate number of guests expected at the reception.
The amount of listeners should affect the nature of the
speech. As a general rule, the more people present, the
more formal the speech.
Here
is an overview of the basic and traditional content of
the speeches by the father of the bride, the bridegroom,
the best man and the bride:
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Thanks
the guests for coming and sharing in the special
day. |
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Thanks
everyone who contributed to the cost of the wedding. |
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Compliments
and praises his daughter and welcomes her new husband
into the family. |
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Toasts
the bride and groom. |
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Thanks
the father of the bride for his toast. |
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Thanks
the guests for attending and for their gifts. |
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Thanks
both sets of parents. |
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Compliments
his bride. |
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Thanks
his best man. |
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Thanks
and toasts the bridesmaids. |
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Thanks
the groom for his toast to the bridesmaids. |
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Comments
on the bride and particularly the groom. |
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Reads
any messages from absent friends. |
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Toasts
the bride and groom. |
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Thanks
the guests for coming. |
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Thanks
her parents and bridesmaids. |
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Compliments
the groom. |
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Proposes
a toast. |
The
delivery style of your speech is the first thing to think
about. Decide if you think you'd like to write your speech
out in full and read it or whether you'd prefer to write
a few notes for each paragraph. Whichever style you prefer,
you will probably find it easier to write out the whole
speech first, then notate it afterwards as desired. It
is possible to memorise your speech. This is only recommended
if you have a good memory that lets you remember things
with ease and can be relied upon in times of stress.
You are unlikely to be able to write your completed speech
in its entirety in one go. Try a few attempts at preliminary
planning and drafting before you try to write the speech
itself. A good starting point is writing some headings
suitable for your speech, then filling out the spaces
between the headings to produce an entire speech. The
headings will help you to focus on the subject of your
speech, and the important elements in it.
The golden rule to remember is that all speeches at wedding
receptions are just elongated toasts, as speakers are
either proposing or replying to a toast, or both. The
variable in the matter is the amount of elongation you
choose to write. Even if your speech is really only a
toast with a few heartfelt tributes, you will still produce
an adequate speech.
As well as the points mentioned in Prepare
your ground above, there are some points to remember
about making speeches that apply to all the speech makers.
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Don't
just speak to your side of the family, or just the
friends of the bride and groom. |
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Remember
that your speech needs to be relevant to all parties
present, some of whom may not know the couple very
well. |
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Keep
your speech quite brief; around five to six minutes
is a good average, but don't be afraid to speak
for less time than this if you feel more comfortable. |
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Remember
that you are writing your speech to be read aloud.
The spoken word is different to the written word;
a formal document may contain "cannot"
or "do not" but the spoken form would
be "can't" and "don't". |
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It
is usual for most speeches to end with a toast.
Ask your guests to charge their glasses and/or stand
for a toast - then begin your toast. Remember that
a toast should have something clearly defined at
the end that you wish your guests to repeat together.
This will make sure that your speech ends on a high
note. Something as simple as, for example, "Ladies
and gentlemen, I now invite you to be upstanding
and drink a toast to... the bride and groom." |
It
is often difficult to gauge how far it is sensible to
go as far as jokes and anecdotes are concerned. The first
thing to consider is the amount of humour you would usually
bring into normal conversation. If you are a naturally
funny person you may feel able to incorporate jokes into
your speech without too much difficulty, if not you may
feel better with a humorous anecdote or two instead.
The choice of joke is dependent on the type of speech
you intend to make. There is no point launching into a
stream of jokes in the middle of an otherwise sentimental
speech. It is also inadvisable to include any jokes that
are obscene, or even slightly risqué, unless you
are absolutely sure of your audience. Don't insult anyone
or attempt to air grudges. Also try not to embarrass anyone,
especially the bride. The exception to this is in the
best man's speech in reference to the groom. A gentle
dig is traditional here, and can be a good source of humour,
as long as it is sensitively handled. The way to use jokes
is at the expense of weddings generally, or something
that has happened during the day. Joke about something
that could have happened rather than something that has
actually happened. The use of jokes is a personal choice.
If you feel comfortable with using jokes, they can enhance
your speech, but don't feel pressured into using them.
An anecdote is a more flexible way of introducing humour
into your speech. An anecdote does not need to be harmful
to be funny, and can have the effect of bringing your
audience together in shared experience. However, do not
use anecdotes referring to the bride or groom's previous
marriages or relationships. Also avoid bringing up past
arguments or feuds, however hilarious they may now seem,
as they may touch raw nerves in already emotional people.
It is better to be a little bland but genuine, rather
than controversial. As with jokes, make sure that your
anecdote fits with the rest of your speech, so it feels
natural to bring the subject up as that point. As a rule
of thumb, it is better to be positive about people rather
than negative.
The
father of the bride's speech is generally expected to
be the least funny, and often the most sentimental. This
should make the job of writing this speech the easiest,
but this is not always the case. This speech is often
the one that has been anticipated for the longest period
of time, and is probably if not the most emotional, than
certainly the one filled with the most pride. The father
of the bride starts the speeches off, thus setting the
tone for the rest of the proceedings. The best advice
is to stay mostly with convention, unless feeling particularly
brave or imaginative. It is easier to write a speech starting
with the traditional component parts, which are listed
below in order of their delivery:
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Thank
the guests for coming and sharing in the special
day. A special mention could be made to relatives
or friends who have come from a long distance. |
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Thank
everyone who has contributed to the cost of the
wedding. This is particularly important if others
have significantly contributed as guests may assume
that the you have footed the entire bill. As well
as being polite, this also starts your speech on
a humble note, setting a good tone for the speeches
to follow. |
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Compliment
and praise your daughter and express your pride
in her. Praise your daughter's choice of husband
and welcome him into your family. Here you can be
as sentimental or factual as you like, depending
on your style. If you have an anecdote that you
feel is suitable to share, include it. You may also
offer the couple a word or two of advice, light
hearted or otherwise, on married life drawn from
your many years of experience. |
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End
your speech with a toast to the bride and groom.
You could say something like "I would like
to close by proposing a toast to my daughter and
her new husband, to wish them health, wealth and
happiness. So please be upstanding and join me in
drinking a toast (pause until everyone is standing
with their glasses raised). Ladies and gentlemen,
the bride and groom." |
If you feel you can elaborate on the above, so much the
better. Use these as a starting point and add your own
as relevant to your occasion.
The
bridegroom's speech is a reply on behalf of his wife and
himself to the father of the bride's speech and toast.
It traditionally starts with "My wife and I..."
which usually generates a reaction from the guests!
For many grooms, the speech can give rise to a dilemma.
On one hand, a wedding is the occasion to express love
for your new wife and gratitude to both sets of parents,
but on the other hand, you don't want to come across as
too sentimental in front of friends! Therefore, it would
be helpful then to plan your speech as a happy medium
between the two.
Here are some suggested points to include, which are in
the order of their delivery. You may wish to pepper your
speech with a few jokes or anecdotes should you feel comfortable
with this.
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Thank
the father of the bride for his toast and good wishes.
He may have complimented you on your suitability
for the bride, so a reply may be that you hope you
can live up to his expectations. |
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Thank
your guests for sharing your special day. Mention
those who have travelled a long way, if the father
of the bride didn't do this, or perhaps welcome
friends of you and your new wife rather than family
members. This is a good time to thank everyone for
their gifts. |
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Thank
your parents for their love and support over the
years and thank your new in-laws for bringing up
their daughter so well and providing you with a
wonderful bride, to whom you intend to devote your
life in pursuit of her happiness! You may at this
juncture, present your mother and mother-in-law
with a gift such as a memento of the day or a bouquet
of flowers. |
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Compliment
and praise your new wife. This is often the most
touching moment of the groom's speech. Thank her
for agreeing to marry you, and comment on the way
she looks. To ease embarrassment, look at your bride
here, and speak to her, but at a volume that your
audience can hear. This will provide a happy medium
between appearing excessively sentimental in front
of friends and missing the opportunity to publicly
express your feelings for your new wife. |
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Thank
your best man for his friendship, help and support.
This also serves as a good way of introducing your
guests to your best man. Use his name and briefly
explain how you know each other. |
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Thank
the bridesmaids, which is a traditional task for
the groom to perform. However, you may decide, if
the bride is to speak, that she may prefer to do
this for herself. If not, and the task falls to
you, thank the bridesmaids for their help in preparing
the wedding, and for the support they've given the
bride. If one bridesmaid was more instrumental than
the others, give her a special mention. You would
then present the bridesmaids with a gift, if they
haven't already received them. |
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A
toast to the bridesmaids concludes your speech.
Remember to have a clear phrase that your guests
can repeat after you, for example, "Ladies
and gentlemen, please be upstanding for a toast
(pause until everyone is standing with their glasses
raised) to... the bridesmaids." |
The Groom can afford to be a little
wobbly when making his speech. It will be expected that
you, as well as your bride, will be feeling emotional,
and a tear of pride and happiness will add a new dimension
to your speech!
If
you are being asked to act as toastmaster for the speeches,
you have some additional responsibilities other than just
making your own speech. You need to stand to announce
that the speeches will begin and introduce the father
of the bride, followed by the groom. After your own speech,
you will introduce any other speakers, such as the bride,
and outline the rest of the proceedings for the day, such
as the cutting of the cake, the starting of the entertainment
and the departure of the bride and groom.
The role of the best man as toastmaster is an important
one. You will help keep the proceedings moving, and help
the guests to feel involved in the day, as they will find
out from you what is happening and when to expect certain
events. If you haven't been asked to be the toastmaster,
and feel capable, suggest it to the couple, who may not
have considered the option, or even if they wanted a toastmaster
at all. If you don't feel capable of acting as toastmaster,
suggest to the couple that they may like to consider a
professional toastmaster,
or ask their venue for suggestions. Often if a professional
toastmaster is engaged, or if a member of staff from the
reception venue fills the toastmaster's shoes, they may
wish to consult with you about the way the day is going,
and when to begin certain events. Discuss the wishes of
the couple before the event, so you can advise with confidence.
Along with all of this you still need to concentrate on
your own speech!
The best man's speech is traditionally funny, or at least
amusing. But don't let this put you off. The same basic
rules apply to the best man's speech as to all the other
speeches. You are still essentially replying to and proposing
a toast, and expressing some simple sentiments about your
feelings for the day. However, if you feel you'd like
to include some jokes or anecdotes, there are some guidelines
to consider (see above),
along with the following tips:
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Avoid
referring to anything that the bride does not know
about. This could cause unnecessary injury. |
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Don't
refer to the past relationships of either the bride
or groom. The reference may be funny in private
conversation, but it would be unwise to use it as
material for a speech aimed at a wide audience. |
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Consider
using an anecdote about something that has happened
during the day, or a comment that one of the party
made to you earlier. These do not necessarily have
to be true. If you say "someone said to me
earlier that…" no one will know who the
"someone" was and whether it was actually
said. This also means that you do not pin a comment,
whether positive or slightly negative, on any one
guest. This works particularly well if you comment
on something said to you by the groom. People often
wonder about the subject of conversation between
the groom and best man during the wedding ceremony
and letting your audience in on a "secret"
whether true or not, will add interest to your speech. |
A suggested content of a best man's speech is given below,
which is traditionally light hearted if not witty and
amusing. The list is not exhaustive, but will serve as
a starting point.
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Thank
the groom for his toast on behalf of the bridesmaids
and for any gifts that were presented. |
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Comment
on the bride and groom. This could be regarding
their appearance, compatibility, etc. |
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Compliment
the groom. Brides always get a lot of the attention
at weddings and this point in your speech is a good
place to redress the balance a little. You were
invited to be a best man by the groom and he is
your friend, so comment on him on his special day. |
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Try
to amuse the guests with anecdotes about the groom's
past misdemeanours or jokes at the groom's expense.
However, steer clear of anything that might embarrass
the groom unnecessarily or risk upsetting the bride. |
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Read
any messages received from absent friends and family,
remembering to establish the relationship and locality
of the sender beforehand. To say "...from Mary
and John Smith" means little to the assembled
guests, whereas "...from your aunt Mary and
uncle John in Australia" needs no further explanation
as to who they are and why they cannot attend. |
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End
your speech with a toast that is complimentary to
the bride, with congratulations to the groom on
his good fortune and for their future happiness
together. |
If
the bride is speaking, the best man will perform one further
function, which is to introduce the bride. Not a difficult
procedure; "Ladies and gentlemen, the bride would
like to say a few words." is sufficient, or use the
same format of words that you've used throughout the speeches
if you are acting as toastmaster.
Although
not strictly traditional, more and more brides are deciding
to speak at their wedding. There are several possible
places for the bride to speak assuming she is speaking
as herself; either before the groom, after the groom or
after the best man. If however, the bride is speaking
in place of her father, and no one gave her away, it is
perfectly acceptable for her to speak first, as the "father
of the bride". The choice is really down to the people
involved, and the likely content of the speeches.
The bride may feel more comfortable speaking within the
groom's speech, and this can be a very successful compromise.
The groom begins his speech, then introduces his wife,
sits while she speaks, then stands and completes his speech
before handing over to the best man. Alternatively, the
bride and groom could speak together, the groom handling
one component of the speech, then handing over to his
bride who speaks the next section and so on.
The content of the bride's speech, if speaking alone,
is more flexible than any of the others. She may choose
to thank her bridesmaids personally rather than leaving
it to her husband. She may also want to express her gratitude
to friends and family for their help. She may also want
to return the compliments paid by her husband. The length
of the bride's speech is equally as flexible, dependent
mostly on the confidence of the bride and the amount she'd
like to say.
If you're planning on making a speech, here are a few
suggestions for its content:
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Thank
your guests for coming. This may become a little
tedious if repeated by all speakers, so maybe select
a group of people who you are especially pleased
to see; old school friends for example. |
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Thank
your parents, chief bridesmaid (or matron of honour)
and bridesmaids. You may feel this is especially
suitable if one of your attendants has overcome
some great difficulty to be able to help you, or
if you would like to present gifts. This could also
prove a good opportunity to share an anecdote relating
to the organising of your wedding. |
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Compliment
the groom. You will probably feel that you would
like to use the opportunity to publicly express
your feelings for your new husband as he did for
you. Perhaps comment on your hopes for your lives
together or your past and future relationship. |
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Propose
a toast. Although there is no official recipient
of a toast from the bride, there is no reason why
you shouldn't make one. Possibly you could toast
the health of your guests, your husband or your
parents. |
The most important thing for the Bride to remember is
not to feel in the wrong about making a speech. I you
feel you want to speak, do it with as much confidence
as you can muster!
If
you have decided to write your speech out in note form,
you will need to emphasise your headings to make readily
identifiable cues for your speech. Keep in mind that you
will have to remember the whole section of speech from
the notes that you make, so don't make them too brief.
Write down the key words of sentences, remembering to
include important dates or names. It is amazing how easily
you will forget a person's name if under stress! If you
would prefer to write out the speech in full, write it
out remembering that you will be speaking it aloud. Whichever
method you choose, write your speech out clearly, or type
it with space between each line, so it is easy to read.
Another useful tip is to write each paragraph out in a
different coloured pen, or highlight each section of type
with a different coloured fluorescent marker. It is claimed
that if you lose your place, your eyes will automatically
go to the colour that it was last reading from. Try it
and see if it works for you!
Whether you type or write your speech, always make a copy,
with the same colours and marks on it. You can give this
copy to someone else to look after, eradicating the need
to worry about losing your speech. If you feel more confident
with having three copies of your speech printed or written,
go for it!
Once
you have written out your speech in whichever format,
practice reading it aloud over and over again!. Start
by yourself, but once you feel more confident perform
it to a mirror, and finally a trusted friend. As well
as reading the speech for its content, read it standing
as you will to deliver it, looking up to your audience
occasionally. This will help you get used to performing
your speech rather than just reading it. The idea of these
rehearsals is to make you feel as comfortable with your
speech as possible.
Once you feel relaxed with the content of your speech
you will feel more confident at the prospect of performing
it to a group of people. Remember to smile occasionally,
but don't force one if it doesn't feel right. Probably
once you are feeling happy at the wedding and once you
realise speech-making isn't as scary as you think it is,
you will feel able to smile naturally. Also remember you
will need to speak more slowly than you would in normal
conversation, as your voice will have to travel some distance.
At the rehearsal stage, the speed of delivery will make
you feel silly, but it will stand you in good stead for
your performance. Also plan for people to laugh at your
jokes or murmur their approval at things you will say.
Don't speak over any noise; laughter, murmurs or even
applause, as the next thing you say will be lost. Prepare
to pause for a while and enjoy your audiences' response
to your performance. If they respond, they are enjoying
themselves!
Once
you are well prepared, try not to let the speech overpower
the day and stop you enjoying the occasion. Let the speech
fall to the back of your mind throughout the ceremony
at least, otherwise you run the risk of remembering nothing
about the day apart from searing nerves. Consider avoiding
too much alcohol before your speech, as it may cloud your
judgement. This is especially true if you find a drink
or two slurs your speech (ask other people if drink affects
you in his way, they may be more aware than you!)
Although you will have practised raising your voice to
deliver your speech, if you are concerned that you may
be too quiet, or the venue is massive, ask one of the
ushers or a member of the venue staff to stand at the
back of the room and indicate if they can't hear you.
Although probably not necessary, this will give you peace
of mind that everyone can share in your speech.
When it is your turn to speak, don't stand until you are
introduced. The guests are likely to applaud you, and
this causes a good distraction for you to stand and clear
your throat. Begin your speech by taking a deep breath,
and smiling if at all possible! You will undoubtedly find
that the moment you begin your speech your worries will
fall away. The adrenaline will carry you to the end before
you know it. If you make an error, smile, correct yourself
and continue. Remember to speak slowly, especially as
nerves will tend to make you rush. If you feel yourself
racing away, stop take a deep breath and then continue.
Above all, try to enjoy making your speech, and try to
think of the meanings of the words you have written as
you are speaking them, rather than just reading your speech
aloud. This will ensure that you have conveyed to your
audience the sentiment of your speech and your feelings
for the people you are speaking about. At the end of your
speech you are likely to be proposing a toast. Invite
your guests to stand to drink the toast, then sit as they
sit, after the toast.
Having done all of this, relax and enjoy your applause,
and the rest of the day!
If
you feel you are unable to write a speech of the quality
you would like to deliver or you have insufficient time
to write your masterpiece, you could opt for a speech
written by a professional speech writer. Speeches written
by such experts are customised with information you supply
about the subject of your speech so they do not have an
impersonal feel about them. A professional speech writer
will also supply cue cards in addition to the full speech
text.
Click
here to find speech writers in our Products and Services
Directory. |
