Although this series of articles is for the groom, we also have advice for his groomsmen who have important roles to play not only on the day of the wedding but also in its planning. So, if you're going to be a best man or usher, read on to find out exactly what your role involves.

Browse Confetti's range of wedding books, written specially for you.

• You can find books for Men at Weddings with guides to the roles of the groom, best man and father of the bride. From pre-wedding preparation to big day duties, you'll find tips to make your life easy and the day go smoothly
• The Best Man's Speech , features a selection of useful tips on preparing and delivering a memorable wedding speech. With sample speeches and advice for the best man. You can also find inspirations for speeches in Confetti's book Jokes, Toasts, and One Liners for Wedding Speeches.

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Well, it's finally happened - you've been asked to be a best man! So, what does being a best man involve? What are your responsibilities and what about the speech? This article will answer these and other questions about being a best man.

Historically, a bridegroom's best man was chosen for being strong and a good fighter who assisted his friend when he captured his bride. A best man's support was also needed on the wedding day to protect the bride from any rival who might try to carry her away for his own. When the practice of capturing brides ceased, the best man's role of supporting the groom and protecting the bride altered to the best man becoming exclusively the groom's escort while the bride was supported by her bridesmaids.

Today, the role of best man (or best woman) is offered to the groom's closest adult relative or friend but is not one that should be accepted lightly. You will be a main player not only on the day itself, but your advice and practical help will be sought in the preparations beforehand. Your tasks are many and varied but essentially during the run up to the wedding you will be relied upon as a supporter and organiser.

The Best Man's Duties

Before The Wedding
It is important at the outset of being asked to be a best man to establish from the groom the level of input he would like you to have. Some grooms require as much help as you are able to offer, while others are happy for you to have a minimum amout of input during the pre wedding period but require your help and support on the wedding day alone. Listed below are the traditional responsibilities of a best man:

	Become involved in discussions and decisions in the planning stage with the groom, acting as a sounding board for his ideas.
	Help the groom choose the ushers, who are usually picked from both the bride and groom's families and friends. You need to make sure the ushers are aware of their responsibilities (see below), attend fittings of outfits and ensure they are available to attend the rehearsal (if required).
	Together with the groom, decide on the outfits for both yourselves, and the ushers (if the outfits are hired the cost is usually the responsibility of the groom - if his finances permit).
	Prepare your speech (see The Best Man's Speech below).
	Arrange the stag night - at least a few days before the wedding to give everyone a chance to recover. Please read our separate article in this series titled Last Night of Freedom.
	Attend the wedding rehearsal and check car-parking facilities and access, particularly if there will be disabled guests.
	If the bridegroom is unable to collect outfits then this duty is also yours. Be sure to check that the outfits are complete.
	Find out where the groom's and your buttonholes will be on the wedding day.

On the day
A best man's role on the wedding day is of the utmost importance. The groom will no doubt be very nervous and the calming support of his escort is vital. Here are your other duties:

	Meet the groom a least a couple of hours before you need to leave for the ceremony venue.
	Help the groom dress and ensure he looks his best.
	Check the groom has everything he will need for the honeymoon and take responsibility for tickets and passports etc. Ensure that any honeymoon luggage is stored safely and put in the right transport.
	Make sure you have the ring(s) and take possession of the money for the church fees (civil wedding fees will have been paid beforehand).
	Transport the groom to the ceremony venue making sure you arrive at least 30 minutes before the ceremony is due to begin. A telephone call to the bride's father telling him that you are leaving will provide welcomed comfort!

Upon arrival at the ceremony venue, you should:

	Locate the groom's and your buttonholes and fix them into position by passing the flower through the button hole on the left lapel fixing into place with a pin at the back of the lapel. The flower is positioned upright.
	Ensure the orders of service sheets have been brought to the venue for handing out to the guests as they arrive. If buttonholes for guests have been ordered, ensure they have been brought to the venue.

If the ceremony is in a church, you will need to:

	Pay the church fees, on behalf of the groom.
	Take your seat with the groom on the front right-hand pew while waiting for the bride. Shortly before the bride arrives, you will be prompted to stand in position at the head of the aisle (standing to the groom's right).
	Hand over the ring(s) at the required moment.
	Accompany the chief bridesmaid (or matron of honour) to the vestry for the signing of the register. You may also be asked by the groom to sign the register as a witness.
	Join the recessional down the aisle following in line after the bride and groom, the bride's father and groom's mother and the groom's father and the bride's mother. You will escort the chief bridesmaid on your left arm.

If the ceremony is at a register office or a licensed venue, you will need to:

	Take your seat with the groom on the front right-hand seats while waiting for the bride to enter the marriage room. Shortly before the bride enters, you will be prompted to stand in position before the registrar (standing to the groom's right).
	Hand over the ring(s) at the required moment.
	Sign the register as a witness - if asked by the groom.
	Join the recessional out of the marriage room, following in-line after the bride and groom, the bride's father with the groom's mother and the groom's father with the bride's mother. You will escort the chief bridesmaid on your left arm.

Immediately after the ceremony, your duties are to:

	Help the photographer to group guests for photographs if you can see that help is required.
	Make sure that all the guests have directions and transport to the reception, arranging lifts if necessary.
	Make sure that you leave for the reception venue with the bridesmaids immediately after the bride and groom so that you can arrive at the reception soon after.

Upon arrival at the reception venue, your duties are as follows but some will depend upon whether you have agreed to take on the role of toastmaster.

	Collect any greetings messages from the bride's father and check to see if any messages have been delivered direct to the reception venue.
	Join the receiving line, if asked by the hosts, to greet and welcome the guests as they move into the reception room.
	When everyone is seated and before the meal/buffet is served, call for silence and either invite the minister to say grace or, if one is not present, say it yourself.
	When the meal is finished, introduce the speeches inviting the bride's father to speak first.
	After the bride's father has delivered his speech and toasted the bride and groom, introduce the groom for his much awaited words!
	The groom's speech ends with a toast to the bridesmaids. You will reply to this toast on behalf of the bridesmaids and deliver your speech, read the congratulatory messages from absent family and friends, and close by toasting the bride and groom.
	Once the speeches have concluded, you will announce the traditional cutting of the cake ceremony.
	Dance with the chief bridesmaid, joining the bride and groom mid way through the first dance.
	Keep a general eye on the proceedings to ensure that everything is running smoothly. If wedding cameras have been put out on the guests' tables, ensure they are used throughout the reception.
	Supervise the decoration of the groom's car.
	Assist the hosts in bringing the celebrations to a close, making sure everyone has transport home or can find their room if they are staying overnight at the reception venue.

As soon as possible after the wedding you should arrange to collect any outfits so that they can be returned and deposits collected.

The Best Man's Speech
Your speech will undoubtedly be the most daunting of all your duties. Much is expected from you as the best man's speech is traditionally funny, or at least amusing. But don't let this put you off. The same basic rules apply to the best man's speech as to all the
other speeches (see our article Saying the Right Thing in this series of groom's articles for further information about preparing and planning a speech). Remember, at the very least, you are replying to a toast to the bridesmaids (proposed by the groom), expressing some simple sentiments about your feelings for the day and concluding with a toast to the bride and groom. However, if you feel you'd like to include some jokes or anecdotes, here are some guidelines to consider:

	Avoid referring to anything that the bride does not know about. This could cause unnecessary injury.
	Don't refer to the past relationships of either the bride or groom. The reference may be funny in private conversation, but it would be unwise to use it as material for a speech aimed at a wide audience.
	Consider using an anecdote about something that has happened during the day, or a comment that one of the party made to you earlier. These do not necessarily have to be true. If you say "someone said to me earlier that…" no one will know who the "someone" was and whether it was actually said. This also means that you do not pin a comment, whether positive or slightly negative, on any one guest. This works particularly well if you comment on something said to you by the groom. People often wonder about the subject of conversation between the groom and best man during the wedding ceremony and letting your audience in on a "secret" whether true or not, will add interest to your speech.

A suggested content of a best man's speech is given below, which is traditionally
light hearted if not witty and amusing. The list is not exhaustive, but will serve as a starting point.

	Thank the groom for his toast on behalf of the bridesmaids and for any gifts that were presented.
	Comment on the bride and groom. This could be regarding their appearance, compatibility, etc.
	Compliment the groom. Brides always get a lot of the attention at weddings and this point in your speech is a good place to redress the balance a little. You were invited to be a best man by the groom and he is your friend, so comment on him on his special day.
	Try to amuse the guests with anecdotes about the groom's past misdemeanours or jokes at the groom's expense. However, steer clear of anything that might embarrass the groom unnecessarily or risk upsetting the bride.
	Read any messages received from absent friends and family, remembering to establish the relationship and locality of the sender beforehand. To say "...from Mary and John Smith" means little to the assembled guests, whereas "...from your aunt Mary and uncle John in Australia" needs no further explanation as to who they are and why they cannot attend.
	End your speech with a toast that is complimentary to the bride, with congratulations to the groom on his good fortune and for their future happiness together.