 For
many grooms, their speech is the part of the wedding day that
is most dreaded. Few grooms are used to speaking in public
and find the thought of attempting such a task very daunting.
However, the basics of preparing and delivering a good speech
are quite simple. With the help of this article, a friendly
mentor, a little imagination and a sense of humour, the task
will not be as worrying as first imagined.
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Introduction
The speeches form an integral part of the wedding reception and traditionally follow the meal but are before the cutting
of the cake. The traditional speakers at a formal wedding
reception, in their correct order, are:
The Bride's Father
The Groom
The Best Man
In these days of varying circumstances, it is possible,
or even likely, that people other than those listed above
may want or be asked to make a speech. The most usual of
these is the bride herself. There is absolutely no reason
why your bride should not speak at her wedding.
The matter of introducing speakers is also a matter for
you and your bride to discuss. You may choose to employ
a professional toastmaster (or master of ceremonies) to
conduct the entire reception, introducing guests formally
as they enter the reception as well as introducing the speeches.
Alternatively, your best man may be called upon to introduce
the speeches.
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An
Overview Of Your Speech
Here is an overview of the basic and traditional content
of your speech:
Thank the father of the bride for his toast.
Thank your guests for attending and for their gifts.
Thank both sets of parents.
Compliment your bride.
Thank your best man.
Thank and toast the bridesmaids.
Prepare
Your Ground
The very first thing to do when beginning to consider your
speech is not to panic. Public speaking comes easily to
some but is an excruciating experience for others. While
you may not feel like a natural orator, a little forward
planning, practice and feeling for the people involved should
mean that you come up with a speech that is at least passable,
and probably more.
The speech you will make is a part of the tradition of weddings,
but not the only part, so don't let it overwhelm you. Remember
that when you are making your speech, you will be in the
company of friendly people, many of whom will be known to
you. The guests will be looking forward to hearing you speak,
no matter what you say and how nervously you say it. Use
the opportunity to express your feelings on this special
occasion, however simple, to your gathered friends and relatives.
The best way to start planning your speech is by making
sure you know the environment in which you will be making
it. Find out the location of the reception. It is likely
that you will need to speak louder than you normally would,
so bear this in mind as you practice your speech. The venue may provide a microphone to help you if the hall is very
large. You will also need to know how formal your wedding
is likely to be. Is your reception going to have a theme
that you could refer to or even incorporate into your speech?
The style of speeches differs with the tastes of the people
involved, so it is better to have to have this information
to start with rather than finding out important details
at a later date. Find out a little about the guests to the
wedding. Are there maiden aunts or awkward uncles who would
be offended by the content of your speech? Are there any
family feuds or arguments on a particular subject that would
be better avoided? Also make sure you know the approximate
number of guests expected at the reception. The amount of
listeners should affect the nature of the speech. As a general
rule, the more people present, the more formal the speech.
Planning
Your Speech
The delivery style of your speech is the first thing to
think about. Decide if you think you'd like to write your
speech out in full and read it or whether you'd prefer to
write a few notes for each paragraph. Whichever style you
prefer, you will probably find it easier to write out the
whole speech first, then notate it afterwards as desired.
It is possible to memorise your speech. This is only recommended
if you have a good memory that lets you remember things
with ease and can be relied upon in times of stress.
You are unlikely to be able to write your completed speech
in its entirety in one go. Try a few attempts at preliminary
planning and drafting before you try to write the speech
itself. A good starting point is writing some headings suitable
for your speech, then filling out the spaces between the
headings to produce an entire speech. The headings will
help you to focus on the subject of your speech, and the
important elements in it.
The golden rule to remember is that all speeches at wedding
receptions are just elongated toasts, as speakers are either
proposing or replying to a toast, or both. The variable
in the matter is the amount of elongation you choose to
write. Even if your speech is really only a toast with a
few heartfelt tributes, you will still produce an adequate
speech.
As well as the points mentioned in Prepare Your Ground above,
there are some points to remember about making speeches
that apply to all the speech makers:
Don't just speak to your side of the family, or just to
your and your bride's friends. Remember, your speech needs
to be relevant to all parties present, some of whom may
not know you and your bride very well.
Keep your speech quite brief; around five to six minutes
is a good average, but don't be afraid to speak for less
time than this if you feel more comfortable.
Remember that you are writing your speech to be read aloud.
The spoken word is different to the written word; a formal
document may contain "cannot" or "do not" but the spoken
form would be "can't" and "don't".
Including
Jokes And Anecdotes
It is often difficult to gauge how far it is sensible to
go as far as jokes and anecdotes are concerned. The first
thing to consider is the amount of humour you would usually
bring into normal conversation. If you are a naturally funny
person you may feel able to incorporate jokes into your
speech without too much difficulty, if not you may feel
better with a humorous anecdote or two instead.
The choice of joke is dependent on the type of speech you
intend to make. There is no point launching into a stream
of jokes in the middle of an otherwise sentimental speech.
It is also inadvisable to include any jokes that are obscene,
or even slightly risqué, unless you are absolutely sure
of your audience. Don't insult anyone or attempt to air
grudges. Also try not to embarrass anyone, especially your
bride. The way to use jokes is at the expense of weddings
generally, or something that has happened during the day.
Joke about something that could have happened rather than
something that has actually happened. The use of jokes is
a personal choice. If you feel comfortable with using jokes,
they can enhance your speech, but don't feel pressured into
using them.
An anecdote is a more flexible way of introducing humour
into your speech. An anecdote does not need to be harmful
to be funny, and can have the effect of bringing your audience
together in shared experience. However, do not use anecdotes
referring to your bride's previous relationships. Also avoid
bringing up past arguments or feuds, however hilarious they
may now seem, as they may touch raw nerves in already emotional
people. It is better to be a little bland but genuine, rather
than controversial. As with jokes, make sure that your anecdote
fits with the rest of your speech, so it feels natural to
bring the subject up as that point. As a rule of thumb,
it is better to be positive about people rather than negative.
If you feel you can elaborate on the above, so much the
better. Use these as a starting point and add your own as
relevant to your occasion.
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